Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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