I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
