Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
