It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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