I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
