he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
