Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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