the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
