To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
