No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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