She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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