what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
