I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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