It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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