chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
