I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
