As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
soo... how was my night?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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