apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
