im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
