I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
