a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
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