I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
