i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
