the new term for farting is butt boxing.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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