at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
