When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
