i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
You ruined the universe
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
