Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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