I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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