Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
You're a waste of cheezeits
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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