I never want to see another naked old woman again.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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