yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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