i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
