I CAN MOONWALK!
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
