My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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