walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
