Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
