we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I love having hate sex.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
His nipple licking is glorious
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