Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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