I can tuck mytits in my pants
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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