I smell stomach acid.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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