So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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