There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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