....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
