Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
