Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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