i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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