You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Randomize
