when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
