I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
