just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Randomize
