He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
