I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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