dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
