The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
