im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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