so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
