I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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