There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Randomize
