What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
