my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
