WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
