I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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