An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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