It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
