is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize