do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I need mimosas to revive my soul
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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