hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
