my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
