I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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