Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
