u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
