I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
