Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Randomize
