quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Even my vagina gasped.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
