Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I'm bleeding and have questions
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