shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
