he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
So much Jack, so little girl.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
