You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
