We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
