i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
