Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Operation Purity has been aborted
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
