Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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