Im at strip club and am horny
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
