What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize