I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
