Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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