bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
