BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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