I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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