end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
