loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
