I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
