I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
