when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
there is glitter all over my balls
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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